Watercolors
by Serenity5x5
Summary: Post Chosen and NFA. Their lives collide together yet again, and things will never be the same...Spuffy
1. Chapter 1: Impressions

**Watercolors**

It was dark. Black. A nightmarish sticky tar that could suffocate a sigh.

Buffy slowly pushed open those silhouette, double-doors in muted silence, in slow conviction. Piercing light escaped from behind the doors, breathing in relief. She walked into the light. It enveloped her like sunlight: the warmth, the brightness. It was blinding. Her long, white dress flowed behind her in a non-existent wind.

She opened her eyes.

She found herself in a building, a work place. There were people busily typing things on computers, filing things away, signing paperwork. They didn't pay any attention to Buffy, as she slowly walked past them, confused. This place seemed familiar…

There was a door to her left. Without hesitation, Buffy turned the knob and walked in. She stood in the middle of the office, conspicuous. Surrounding her in a semi-circle was a group of people sitting in chairs, obviously in the middle of a meeting.

Angel. Illyria. Gunn. How did she know these names? They all stared at her, annoyed at being interrupted. It was obviously an important meeting. Buffy blinked. Their faces were suddenly covered in violent gashes; dirt-smeared, bright blood dripping down at a leisurely pace. They suddenly turned their attention to someone behind her shoulder. Confused, Buffy turned around to see what they were all staring at.

Spike.

She gaped at him, and furrowed her eyebrows. "Spike?"

"No, it's the prime minister of Russia. 'Course it's me."

He was wearing his leather duster, and was not in any way a pile of dust. She looked at him in approval. "I like the look. Very…not dead."

He took a step towards her, bit his lip and smiled. His hand reached out to touch her cheek gently. "It's all over. The end of the world."

She sighed at his soft touch, looking deep into his eyes. Those soulful, Spike eyes. She gave him a grin. "I knew you wouldn't leave me."

He chuckled, and then grew serious. "Never."

The room suddenly blurred before her eyes. All the colors, the shapes, the people, blending together like a watercolor painting. Like beautiful impressions.

She grew worried, glancing around her. "We should go. Come on." She tugged at his jacket sleeve.

"Oh, love," Spike whispered sadly. "I'm stuck here. In this bloody Monet nightmare."

Buffy rolled here eyes. "No, silly. Just follow me." She turned around and pushed open the door. "See? Just follow me…" Her voice trailed off as she looked back towards Spike, but instead saw blackness. Nothing.

Buffy awoke. She had been dreaming. She sat up tiredly in her warm, downy bed, smoothing the white comforter around her. Soft like a dove.

She frowned as she recalled her subconscious's beautiful torture.

"I knew you wouldn't leave me," she spoke out loud, to her empty bedroom.

His voice floated back to her, like an underwater melody, like an intoxicating whisper. "Never."


	2. Chapter 2: The Save

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The rain gradually turned off like a faucet, leaving the broken city in a quiet darkness. Buildings were burned, torn down. The streets were charred. The stench of death hung in every corner of L.A.

Still the heroes lived on.

They regrouped in the remains of what used to be the Wolfram and Hart building. Angel, Gunn, Illyria, Spike…and Willow.

"When I heard you guys were in trouble down here…well, my mind didn't even register 'dragon,'" she said. "Luckily, the coven was able to help out at the last minute."

"Yeah, nice work Red, saving us in the nick of time," Spike said, gingerly rubbing his neck. "Still, I feel a little cheated here. It was supposed to our big fight, you know? Our shining moment of heroism, whatever that means."

Willow rolled her eyes. "Well, sorry if I bruised your manly ego. Maybe next time I'll let you die horrible and painful deaths without any interruptions."

Angel spoke up. "Hey, you don't know that we would have died," he said defensively. "We were winning."

Gunn grimaced, clearly in the most pain. "Yeah, tell that to my internally bleeding insides."

"You will live," Illyria said solemnly and abruptly.

Willow looked around at the group, satisfied that they were all okay. "I wish I could stay longer guys, but, there's this thing, that I uh, have to take care of…"

Angel nodded. "Go ahead. We'll be fine. Thanks for the save."

Something suddenly occurred to Spike. "Buffy…"

Willow turned to look at him and smiled. "Yeah, I'll say to her for you, and tell her you're alive."

"No! No…that's not what…" Spike sighed. "Don't tell her."

Willow furrowed her eyebrows, confused. "Okay. But I'm not so good with the secret-keeping, so don't get all fangy if it slips out somehow."

* * *

Buffy did some stretches in her apartment in Rome. She was ready for a good workout after eating a huge dinner a few hours before. The phone rang.

"Hey, Buffy, it's me."

Buffy smiled. "Willow! What's up?"

"Nothing. I took care of some stuff back in…it was nothing. But you know how I've been sensing some evil energy lately?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I think I finally figured out where it's coming from. And that means you've got to get back here."

Buffy shrugged. "Sure. Dawn's rooming at her school, so I can probably get to California by tomorrow."

"Uh, Buffy? Aren't you forgetting about a certain guy you were dating not a few days ago?"

"You mean the Immortal?" Buffy sat on her bed, still holding the receiver to her ear. "You know, that actually turned out to be a casual thing."

"You mean you actually had a relationship that didn't turn out to be angsty, evil, or dead in any way?" Willow asked in mock surprise.

"Yup!" Buffy announced triumphantly. "I am a casual dater. Anyway, it wasn't going to be a long-term relationship, so we just ended it very peaceable-like. No feelings harmed in the process."

Willow clucked her tongue. "I'm so proud of you. See you tomorrow."

Buffy put down the phone and walked over to her punching bag. Going back to L.A.? No problem. Seeing Angel again, however, posed some problems. Oh well, she thought. I'll work it out when I get there.

She slammed her fist into the bag.

* * *

Spike took a swig of beer. He sat in a nearly empty demon bar that had somehow survived in the battle. Angel told him that he needed some time alone. Well, bugger him. Spike knew that what Angel really needed was to hear that Wesley's death wasn't his fault. That Lorne was going to be okay, wherever he was. That the battle had meant something.

But here Spike was, drowning his thoughts in a pint. As he downed the last few drops of the golden liquid, he caught a glimpse of somebody walking through the door. A girl. Shimmering, blond hair.

His heart leapt in spite of himself, and he knew before looking at her face that she wasn't his girl, his Slayer. Spike shook his head, disgusted at himself.

"Time to move on, you poor excuse for a vampire," he said to himself out loud. There was only one thing he could count on in this dead city he helped create, and that was the fact that Buffy was never going to come bursting through the door, professing her love for him. She was of the past. And he was ready to move on.


	3. Chapter 3: Smoke

The sun set over the city of death. Rays of dying light reached over the buildings, illuminating them for a few seconds, then rendering them silhouettes against the backdrop of Los Angeles.

Slowly, solemnly, Buffy Summers walked through the wreckage, stepping over dead bodies, dead demons, ashes. She looked around her and all she saw was blackness.

Upon further investigating, she heard noises coming from a building that was still standing. She entered.

Angel was there, tending to a wounded man and giving instructions to a blue-haired girl, presumably demon.

Sensing her behind him, Angel turned around to meet her. Without a word, Buffy went over to embrace him.

They broke apart, looking at each other for the first time in a year. "What are you doing here?" Angel asked.

"I came to visit Willow. Stopped by in L.A. to say hello. I wasn't expecting…death carnage."

"Apocalypse."

"I figured. Although," she added, "I kinda wish somebody filled me in on what was going on here. I would've liked to help."

Angel shook his head. "Willow had it under control."

She looked over at Gunn, lying on a beaten couch, bleeding. "You should get him to a hospital."

"We will."

"Okay," she sighed. "Is there anything I can do?"

Angel smiled. "We need all the help we can get."

Buffy nodded, determined to do her part. Too long has she shirked the responsibility of her duties as Slayer. She hesitated. "Actually, I should probably get in contact with Willow. She sounded kind of urgent last time I called."

"No problem," Angel said. "Go see Willow first. We'll be fine."

"Okay." Buffy touched his shoulder gently, knowing that he has suffered casualties in this battle, then turned to walk out of the building. And ran smack into the last person she expected to see.

* * *

"Spike?" Buffy's face mirrored his own in disbelief and shock.

"Bloody hell," was all Spike managed to say.

It was a dream. It had to be. He had felt her presence as he approached the building, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck rise. But it was too unlikely. It was impossible. That his girl could be there, in the same city, breathing the same air he was. And yet there she was, not two feet away, the girl of his dreams. The same loving, intense hazel eyes. The same soft, rosy lips. The same golden hair…the dark city made her hair seem to glow.

Snap out if it, you ponce, Spike thought to himself. And say something.

"Want a smoke?"


	4. Chapter 4: Like a Human

"Spike," Buffy said, ignoring his question. "You're…here. Alive."

He shifted, uncomfortable standing under his former lover's gaze. "Long story."

"I've lived on the Hellmouth for seven years, Spike. Nothing's a long story."

"Right," he said, shrugging his shoulder. "Amulet was magical, popped out of it in front of this lot here," he indicated Angel and the others, "been working with them ever since."

She stared at him, unable to form words. He was back. Her champion, her strength. He looked exactly the same: confident, open, and unafraid. And he still had the ability to make her feel warm and loved. Her throat constricted, sure she was going to burst into tears at any moment. She had to talk to him alone. "Spike, can we go outside for a minute?"

"Sure thing, pet."

They stepped outside of the building and into the night. Police sirens echoed from far away. Buffy shivered slightly in the cool air.

She looked at him, still unable to believe he was actually there. She felt at peace. Like she hadn't felt in a long time. "I don't know how I got through a whole year without seeing you," she said to him quietly.

Spike avoided her gaze. His mind formed images of her prancing about with the stupid Immortal, eating pasta, sharing one bloody cup with two bloody straws. "I'm sure you got along just fine, love."

She frowned. "Spike. Look at me."

He tried to, but instead ended up looking at the sky behind her.

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words died in her burning throat. Something was wrong, off. Unwanted fear crept inside of her, fear she hadn't felt since Sunnydale.

Spike caught the look in her eyes, and his chest squeezed in pain.

Buffy finally found her voice, and scoffed. "What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing. Just…I can't…" Spike struggled to find the right words. He sighed. "I can't do this anymore, love."

She narrowed her eyes. "Do what?" she asked, suddenly annoyed by his cryptic statement.

"Do this!" he replied, equally annoyed. "This…with you. I can't be with you anymore."

She looked at him, her expression unmoving. Be with me? She thought to herself. What the hell is he talking about? She waited for an explanation.

Spike looked at her with resolve. "I've moved on."

The minute he said this, he could see Buffy putting up her guard, her shield. He couldn't touch her anymore. Couldn't see the real, vulnerable girl he loved. What he saw instead was the Slayer. He felt his resolve slip a little.

They stood in silence for a while, both wanting to say what they truly felt, but neither of them wanting to be first to put their guard down. They weren't ready for honesty this time.

"I have to go see Willow," she said finally, her voice expressionless. "Tell Angel I'll be back soon." She turned and walked away.

"Why don't you tell Angel yourself?" he called after her, but she was already out of earshot. "Stupid bint," he muttered.

Angel suddenly appeared behind him. "Wow. Real mature."

Spike spun around. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I _was_ inside minding my own business, and then I thought I heard some two year olds bickering outside. Oh wait…"

Spike rolled his eyes, walked past Angel and headed towards the building. "We weren't bickering, you ponce. I was being upfront, telling her how it's gonna be from now on."

Angel followed him inside and smirked. "You're really gonna win her back with that attitude."

"Oh, shut your gob. I don't want to win her back. I've already gone through that road. Memorized the bloody map. There's nothing left for us anymore," he said, shaking his head. "We're different people now."

Angel looked at him for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders. "Illyria, why don't you and I patrol through the city, look for some survivors or stray beasties?"

She nodded, and they headed outside. They walked for a couple of blocks in silence. Finally, she spoke. "The vampire still loves the girl."

Angel nodded. "Yeah."

"Why does he attempt to hide it then?"

He chuckled. "He's probably just trying to keep from getting hurt again. Or he's trying to keep his pride."

Illyria shook her head in condescendence. "He is as idiotic as a human."

"Always has been."


	5. Chapter 5: Moving

It was mid-afternoon when Buffy finally arrived in San Francisco, where Willow was temporarily staying. Together, they sat on the bed eating chips in the Sunridge Hotel.

"You knew Spike was alive?" Buffy asked Willow in indignation.

Willow nervously munched on some chips. "Yeah, but he made me promise not to tell you!"

"Did everyone know he was alive but me?

"Well, I don't think Xander knew…"

"How is he by the way?"

"Xander?" Willow said. "Oh, he hates working in Africa for the Giles's new Council. I guess he misses the ol' gang."

Buffy smiled sadly. "Can't say I blame him. It's like, goodbye Hellmouth life, hello to the uncertainty. Everything's so different now. People are different."

"Yeah, it's this little thing we humans like to call growing up," Willow said with sympathy. "Buffy, life's not supposed to stop after Sunnydale. It's supposed to begin."

"Are you telling me to get a life?" Buffy asked wryly.

"No. I'm telling you to start living it."

Buffy picked at the threads of the bedspread. "I've forgotten how."

"Maybe you need someone to remind you." They fell quiet for a moment. "So, how was seeing Spike again?" Willow asked, ready for gossip.

Buffy took a breath and put on a fake smile. "Good. You know, nobody died this time, world wasn't ending, nobody spontaneously bursting into flames. It was good," she finished, trying to convince herself.

Willow looked at her knowingly. "But?"

"But…he said…he moved on. Like, he's over me. Which is fine, you know? That was Sunnydale love. All twisted and…over. And I'm over it too."

Willow smiled. "Good for you Buffy," she said proudly. "Anyway, about why I called you here. The dark, mystical energy I was feeling--"

"How can he say he's over me?" Buffy interrupted. "We had…this huge, life-changing relationship for two years. He got a soul for me."

"Well," Willow said, hesitantly. "Maybe he really is over you. I mean, you guys spent a whole year apart."

"Yeah," Buffy sighed, resigned. "That's all it really takes to get over the love of your life. One year."

"Spike's the love of your life?" Willow asked, surprised.

Buffy furrowed her eyebrows and frowned. "Okay, enough about my lack of love life. So how about that dark energy, huh?"

"Right," Willow said, dropping the Spike subject (for now). "Well, it's been really strong lately, so I was able to track it down to California. I don't know who's behind it yet, or what 'it' is exactly, but I'll have a location by tomorrow, so we should be able to check it out."

Buffy nodded, all business. "Right. I'm gonna call Angel, see if he's okay or needs any help, then patrol tonight. We can go investigate dark magic tomorrow." She turned to leave.

"Buffy?" Willow called out, stopping her. "This thing we're dealing with…it's really bad. Like, end of the world bad. I can feel it."

Buffy's face grew serious. "We'll deal." She walked out. "Always do."

* * *

"I can't deal with this!" Spike cried out.

The gang stood around the burned down building.

"Spike," Angel started, annoyed.

Spike paced back and forth. "What the hell are we still doing here? Just sitting here, not doing a bloody thing, like a bunch of wankers."

"We have to clean up this mess!" Angel replied. "We can't just destroy a whole city and skedaddle-on out of here."

"Yeah, I can see a whole lot of cleaning going on, in between all the sitting and the talking…" Spike said sarcastically.

"I have to think!" Angel said, frustrated. "I have to plan how I'm going to fix this."

"No, what you need to do is get Charlie-boy here to the damn hospital."

Angel rolled his eyes. "Well, in case you've forgotten, the hospital here doesn't exist anymore since it got torn down by the big honkin' dragon!"

Illyria spoke up. "I can take the human to the medical facilities just out of town. I do not believe I am greatly needed here. I wish to rest my ears from all this shouting."

Angel nodded. "Ok, great. Thanks. Be careful with him," he warned her as she draped Gunn's unconscious body over her shoulder and walked out.

"Now what, O Captain Forehead? What's the big plan? Stay in L.A. until we hypothetically decompose?"

"Spike," Angel said quietly. "I don't know what I'm still doing here. But I just…have this feeling. I'm needed here."

Spike sighed, and looked around him. "Yeah, I know what you mean big guy. Something's brewing. And it has that familiar smell of Apocalypse surrounding it." He looked at Angel. "Oh, joy," he said half-heartedly.


	6. Chapter 6: Silence

L.A. was still quiet. It was a dead silence, and it hadn't gone away like they thought it would. But still they stayed, waiting. Waiting for the coming end.

Suddenly a thunderous crash was heard outside the ruined Wolfram & Hart building, and a deep sound resonated throughout the city, like a ship's horn blowing in alarm.

Spike and Angel ran outside to investigate. They stopped in shocked silence at what they found.

* * *

Buffy battled with a vampire in a park in San Francisco. She delivered a punch, followed by a roundhouse kick. The vampire retaliated by backhanding her in the face, right before she kicked him in the chest. Her cell phone rang.

"Hello?" she panted, still amped from the fight.

"Buffy, it's me."

"Willow? What's up?"

"I found it. It's in L.A."

Buffy frowned. "L.A.?" The vamp clocked her in the head.

* * *

Buffy and Willow sped through California on the nearly deserted highway, heading for the dead city.

Buffy wrestled with inner turmoil on seeing Spike again. She still loved him, she knew that. The way he made her feel, the way she felt safe with him, yet always thrilled. The way she trusted him.

Did she still trust him? Of course. That could never be broken. But she was still uncertain about how he felt now. Maybe he did stop having feelings for her, in the romantic sense. Maybe he stopped loving her, the way she loved him.

Oh, screw it, she thought. I'm too old for this.

* * *

Jumping out of the car, the girls picked their way through the city, finally finding the vampires standing in front of something, their backs turned.

Spike sensed her, feeling the tingles up and down his spine whenever she was near. He turned and said, "Hey."

Buffy walked right past him, ignoring him. "What are we looking at?"

Spike looked at her, perplexed. And just a little hurt.

Angel spoke. "We just found this thing a few minutes ago. Any ideas? 'Cause right now I'm thinking…really not good."

The group of four formed a semi-circle as they huddled around the newly arrived darkness. It was a seven-foot wide hole, with orange and red swirls of fire encircling it. It glowed and hissed, constantly moving, emitting sparks and smoke.

"I think it's a portal," Willow mused.

"Leading to what?" Spike asked. "The world's largest oven?"

"I can't be sure. I'll have to use the magicks in order to figure out what's on the other side, but that'll take days."

A voice spoke behind them. "Or, you could just ask."

All of their heads simultaneously whipped around to see who the speaker was. She was young, a teenager. Dark brown hair, skin that shimmered in the moonlight, a light blue sundress that flowed in the breeze. "I'm Estella. And you guys have just stumbled upon an Apocalypse."

Silence. Then…

"Oh, please," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.


	7. Chapter 7: Smile

Estella crossed her arms. "Don't believe me?"

Buffy walked towards Estella, until she was in her face. "No, I believe you. I'm just getting a little tired of dramatic, end of the world gestures that are supposed to frighten me. Look at me. Do I look scared to you?"

The two stared at each other for a moment. Then Estella finally relented, looking away. "Hey, I'm not the one who sent this thing down here. I'm not your enemy, okay?"

"Then who are you?" Angel asked, as he, Spike, and Willow joined Buffy.

Estella remained silent.

Buffy looked her over. "You're not human, are you?"

She shook her head. "I'm a demon. I got close connections with the Powers That Be. I keep the balance in this world."

"Like Whistler," Angel observed.

"Yeah," she agreed. "He was, like, my mentor."

Willow frowned. "Not to be judgmental or anything, but you look kind of young to be a demon that has that much power."

Estella shrugged. "Wasn't always a demon. I sort of gave up being human a long time ago." A sad look passed over her face, but she quickly recovered. "I was sent here to tell you about this new bad that's come to town, and the toy surprise that came with it," she said, indicating the portal. She suddenly looked up towards the sky. "I think that's gonna have to wait though," she smile apologetically at them. "Gotta go. I'll see you guys." She vanished into the night air.

"I don't trust her," Buffy said after a moment.

"You don't trust anyone," Spike retorted.

"Oh, shut up."

Willow smiled, amused at the former lovers. "Okay, now that that's been cleared up. Since Angel knows the most about Whistler, I think he and I should contact Giles and find out all we can about the kind of demon he and Estella are. Buffy, you and Spike should patrol around L.A., see if you can find any demon that came along with this portal." She stopped, suddenly realizing that she had been giving out the orders. She looked at Buffy and furrowed her eyebrows. "I, uh, think you were supposed to be doing that."

Buffy chuckled. "It's what I would've said anyways."

* * *

Buffy and Spike picked their way through the wreckage, looking for clues. Each carried an axe in their hands.

Spike sneaked a glance at her. She looked radiant, as always. Strong, beautiful. He wanted to touch her so badly. He gently tucked some fallen strands of hair behind her ear. Buffy blushed at the gesture, letting his fingers rest momentarily on her cheek. Spike was pleased at this, and bit his lip.

"Buffy," he said, stopping.

Buffy looked at him, concerned. "What is it?"

"Nothing. It's um…here." He pulled a small package wrapped in brown paper out from his leather duster and handed it to her.

She took it, confused. "What is this?"

He looked at her with a half-smile on his face. "It's your birthday, in' it? Certain cultures are known to exchange gifts on this day."

Buffy ducked her head, trying to hide a smile. "You…remembered my birthday," she stated shyly.

"Well, yeah," Spike replied, trying to play it off. "Look, you don't have to open it now, or whatever. Do what you like."

Buffy met his eyes and smiled at him, making Spike's dead heart melt. "Thank you."

Spike, suddenly unsure of himself, said, "Well, I don't think anything's out here. Might as well go back, check in with the others. Get some much needed beauty sleep."

Buffy nodded, and followed him back to the W&H building.

Willow and Angel were still on the phone with Giles, trading information. Soon Spike fell asleep on the battered couch, snoring every once and awhile.

Buffy sat on a chair opposite of him, and slowly unwrapped the package.

It was the original manuscript of Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_, tied with a ribbon and a pink rose. Her expression melted in tenderness, and beamed at her gift.

Spike opened up an eye to sneak a peek at her reaction. Delighted with her smile, he fell back asleep.


	8. Chapter 8: Just Watching

They slept until late morning. Exhausted from everything. From moving from one moment to the next, never quite sure what their part is, what they're supposed to be doing, feeling. They slept, knowing that when they wake up, reality will scream in their face, demanding strength, courage, will. So they slept.

And Estella moved in silence. She was in her street clothes. Cargo pants, baggy t-shirt, unruly hair. She slipped in like a whisper, and waited until they woke up.

She liked to watch them. The humans, the warriors, all trying to do the right thing day by day. Getting hurt, feeling pain…even the suffering. She used to feel like they did.

She liked to watch them, because being with them made her feel like she wasn't so alone. So she let them sleep.

* * *

They sat in a circle, waiting for Estella to speak.

"Ready to talk?" Buffy asked.

Estella nodded. "Okay, so here's the deal with the portal. Now, I don't know exactly what's behind it…"

"That's not really what I wanted to hear."

"…But," she continued, "I do know that if somebody doesn't go through it, the world's basically going to implode. Starting from here."

Willow raised her eyebrows. "Um, by implode, do you mean…"

"The literal meaning of implode," said Estella. "Like, earth's going to self-destruct."

Angel rubbed his chin, thinking. "Alright, so somebody goes in there, stops impending doom. Simple."

Estella sighed. "No, not simple. Not just anyone can pass through it." She paused. "Only a slayer can."

Spike snorted. "Oh, that's rich."

"Spike," Buffy began, but he interrupted.

"No, it's all very clear. This little girl's plan is to get you to jump in to inevitable death and who knows what else."

Angel shook his head. "Wait, this is all just a little too random. Who sent this portal here? What's the big plan? Obliterating earth just seems…senseless."

"Nobody sent the portal here," Estella explained. "It's a reaction. To all of the slayers being called, to the big showdown with the Senior Partners. You guys literally changed the world, and there's gotta be consequences to these disturbances. Ergo, portal."

"So, a slayer goes through it, and world doesn't end," Buffy mused. "Like a sacrifice."

"Well, we don't know that entering the portal will kill you. I mean, it could just be a gateway to another dimension. And if it is, there are ways of getting you back."

Buffy pressed her fingers to her temple. "I'll have to think about this. How much time have I got?"

"One week," said Estella. "And then you're all just like chicken." Everyone stared at her. Estella frowned. "You know, fried…and…crispy…with the burning…"

"Okay, now you're just making me hungry," Willow joked.

"Come to think of it," Buffy said, "I haven't eaten in awhile. Why don't you and Angel come with me to get some food from Santa Monica, since it's nearby. Spike, stay here with Estella and, you know, guard the place."

"Oh right," Spike said, rolling his eyes. "Make me the babysitter."

Buffy gave him a look. "We'll be back soon."

* * *

"So, what'd you guys learn from Giles?" Buffy asked.

They finished paying for some fast food, and were on their way to the butcher's shop for some blood.

"We were able to dig up some stuff about Whistler," Willow said, taking a bite out of a hamburger. "There wasn't much. He's immortal, obviously. He's not a soldier for either good or evil. More like an informant."

"An informant with really bad taste in clothing," Angel added.

"And he does work really closely with the PTB. But it doesn't say anything about exactly what kind of demon he is, or how he became one."

"But, he's harmless, right?" Buffy asked.

Willow nodded. "Estella shouldn't be any threat."

* * *

Spike and Estella sat in awkward silence.

"So, what's your story, pet? How'd you wake up on the demon side?" Spike asked, breaking the ice.

Estella shrugged. "It was about 20 years ago. The PTB thought I was a good choice, and just, uh, turned me."

"And what made you seem like a good choice?"

Estella grew somber. "I…wasn't…human enough. Wasn't connected."

"Yeah?" Spike became interested. "Why's that then?"

She looked at him. "There was a guy."

"Got burned?" Spike asked, sympathetic.

"Something like that. We loved each other. A lot. Kinda young for it, I know, but we knew it was real. Thing is, I didn't think I was enough for him. So I kept giving him things, making grand gestures, buying him watches, clothes, food. Heck, I bought him a car for his 16th birthday."

"Sounds pleasant enough."

"It wasn't. He became sick of it. Of me, trying to buy his love when I apparently already had it. So he left me," she said quietly. "And I stopped caring…about anything. Love wasn't enough for me." She paused. "When they turned me into a demon, they told me I'd lose my humanity. The ability to love. And I didn't care."

Spike narrowed his eyes. "So, what, you're like a robot now?"

"Like a stone. I don't feel anything anymore. I don't feel happiness, or pain, or love. But I…"

"What?"

"Sometimes, when I'm around people…I think I've felt the most sadness I've ever known. Even when I was a human."


	9. Chapter 9: A Satisfying Argument

The group of four ate lunch at the W&H building, some eating fries, some slurping blood. All enjoying each other's company.

Buffy suddenly spoke up. "I'm going through the portal," she said with quiet determination.

"Like hell you are!" Spike immediately objected.

Buffy sighed, continuing. "I have to do this. You guys will find a way to bring me back."

Willow nodded, and Angel said, "You know we will."

"I'm counting on you."

Spike looked on as everybody supported Buffy's decision. "Have you people gone completely insane? Buffy," he said, pulling her aside. "It's a trap, and you know it."

"Spike, it's the only way."

"You don't even know if the girl's telling the truth."

"No, it's legit. Willow checked with five different covens. It's already starting, Spike. Earthquakes—"

"—Happen all the time."

"Not in the middle of Ohio, they don't."

Spike sighed in frustration. "Okay, well in case you've forgotten, you're not the only slayer anymore. Why's it gotta be you? Why can't we send someone else?"

Willow and Angel slowly inched their way out of the building to give them some privacy.

Buffy looked at him, incredulous. "What is this?" she asked after a moment.

"What is what?" Spike answered, confused.

"You. With the mind games. You don't tell me you're alive. Then when we see each other for the first time in a year, you can hardly look at me. You say you've moved on. And now," she shook her head, "now you're giving me romantic birthday gifts. What are you playing at?"

"I'm not playing at anything. I just…bloody hell," he fumbled, trying to explain. "I wanted you to remember me as the bloke who died for you, for the world. I didn't want you to see me like this, with no purpose. I needed to find a purpose, Buffy, I needed to stand alone for once."

She slowly shook her head. "That's…really lame."

"Excuse me?"

"You not coming to me because you wanted me to think of you as a champion. Well, if you recall, when I came back after jumping off the tower for Dawn, nobody thought less of me. Hell, when I came back, we started boinking each other."

Spike scoffed. "Yeah, well, I'd be doingthe same this time if I hadn't been replaced by the Immortal."

Buffy was taken aback.

"Yeah, I know about you and that ponce."

"How—"

Spike sighed. "Angel heard that you were with him. We went to Rome to try to rescue you. Turns out you were dating the git."

"Angel was keeping tabs on me?" she asked in indignation. "Oh, I'm gonna kill him."

Spike waved his hand. "Don't beat him up for it. He just wanted to make sure you were safe."

Buffy paused. "Did you just defend Angel?"

"Yeah," Spike said, uncomfortably. "So?"

"Nothing. I'm just…wondering where the flying pigs are."

"Look, you can't deny it. You got over me in the blink of an eye, so don't act pissed at me for trying to do the same."

Buffy lost it. "I had no choice! I moved on because I had to, because you were dead! You were dead," she repeated, her eyes brimming with unwanted tears, "and you left me! I couldn't keep holding onto dreams, I just couldn't." She heard the waver in her voice, and she was angry with herself for being so weak. "You were dead," she said, her voice hard. "And I had to keep living."

They stared at each other, processing the truths that had just spilled out. Neither could say a word, unsure of what could come out. Suddenly, Spike grabbed Buffy and pulled her close. He kissed her. Desperately, passionately, he did what he had wanted to do since he came back, he did what he was made to do, what he lived for. Messy kisses, flesh feeling flesh, drowning in her smell, in her being. He tasted her again and again, drinking her in. He melted into her as he continued to touch her, hearing the soft sighs and moans that escaped from her lips. How sweet she tasted, how intoxicating. He was in deep, he was drunk with love, there was no turning back.

She responded. Put her hands on his chest, on his shoulders, in his hair. Always trying to get closer. Her mouth lost on his, too busy to come up for air. She slid his leather duster off of his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground in a heap. He moved his hands down her back, and she shivered.

To hell with breathing.


	10. Chapter 10: Goodbye, Optimism

"Angel."

He turned around and found Buffy standing behind him. "What is it?"

She sat down beside him. "I need to let you know, that I'm sorry." She looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry that I didn't trust you with Dana."

Angel swallowed, and looked away. "It's okay. I was working for an evil law firm. I don't think I trusted myself half the time."

"No, it's not okay," she insisted. "Maybe if I had trusted you, you would have let me help in this battle. Instead you had to fight alone."

He smiled at her, genuine. "I wasn't alone. And really, it's fine. Fight turned out okay, didn't it?"

She smiled in return. "Yeah, Willow saved your asses." She grew quiet. "I heard about Wesley and Cordelia. I'm so sorry."

Angel's look turned distant. "It's the price you pay for being a hero."

* * *

Spike sat outside in the rubble, having a smoke. The sun was beginning to climb the horizon, to burn out the wicked and warm the righteous. But right now, the sky was a purplish-black mass of early dawn air, and could harbor creatures of the night. For a little while at least. 

He inhaled the smoke from his cigarette, mixing in with the burning smell of the sun. All he could think about was that kiss from last night. It was incredible. Made him feel…like he hadn't felt in a long time. Like he belonged in this world. Like he was loved. Things were finally starting to look up.

At that moment, the object of his thoughts walked out into the cool, early morning air. Her long, blond hair whispered in the breeze. She wore a white blouse, and a long, black skirt that showed off her lithe legs. And, oh, look at those lips.

Buffy sat down beside him, unaware of her affect on him. She stifled a yawn, and smoothened her hair.

"You really should get some sleep, pet," he commented, concerned about her. "You can barely keep your eyes open."

She shrugged. "Nah, too much to think about. What about you, shouldn't you be resting?"

He flicked his cigarette to the ground and crushed it with his boot, before looking at her suggestively. "Couldn't really sleep after last night."

She blushed, and Spike grinned. "Well. That was a show-stopper, if I do say so myself."

"Really was," he murmured. He leaned in close, and kissed her slowly and sweetly. They pulled away reluctantly. Buffy put a hand on his cheek, and he saw in her eyes what was mirrored in his own.

"I'm still mad at you."

"I know."

They leaned in for another short and tender kiss. Her breath warmed his. Her taste lingered in his mouth. After a moment, Buffy spoke. "You should go back inside. Sun's coming up."

"Yeah, turning into a pile of dust is really not on the agenda for today," he said, reluctantly getting up. "Coming?"

"In a minute."

Spike hesitated, sensing that there was something she wasn't telling him. She wouldn't meet his eyes and looked strangely distant, unlike the closeness he had seen a few minutes before. He shrugged, knowing that he'd get her to tell him eventually. Right now, he headed back inside the building, away from the light.

* * *

An hour passed. Willow meditated in the corner, gathering strength and magic from the earth. Angel was on the phone with the Chicago branch of Wolfram & Hart, threatening some lawyers for information. 

Spike paced back and forth in the lobby, restless. What's Buffy doing out there, alone? He thought to himself. Bloody daylight.

* * *

Slowly but surely, day passed into night. Dusk arrived quietly, sweeping the sun under the world, turning on the star-studded night. Willow was deep into her magicks, drawing on power from her coven. She hadn't moved from her position all day. Angel was busy poring over files that W&H had sent him. And Buffy still hadn't returned. 

Spike lost patience. "Hey, nancy-boy, will you get your nose out of the soddin' papers for a second?"

Annoyed, Angel put the files down and looked at Spike. "What are you getting all pissy about?"

"Buffy's been gone the whole day, that's what I'm getting 'pissy' about. And none of you buggers seem to care."

"We care," Angel retorted. "But Willow's working up the mojo right now, and it's been just a little bit too sunny outside for me to go investigating."

Spike looked through the windows. "Not anymore," he muttered. He sauntered out of the building, with Angel close on his heels.

They looked around them, searching for any movement, any sign. The city was empty. A little too empty.

Spike's jaw tensed, and started to panic. "Angel?"

Angel joined Spike, noticing his increased hysteria. "What is it?"

"Where's the portal?" he asked slowly.

Angel looked around him, also starting to worry. "You mean that big huge fiery hole that was right here yesterday but now is gone?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"It's gone."

Spike's fist clenched. "Where the hell is it?"

But they both knew the answer before he spoke. "She went through it," Angel said quietly.

Oh, god. Buffy was gone. Buffy was gone. He tried to wrap his mind around that fact, but it was too much for him to handle. She was gone, out of this world, out of this dimension. His mind raced out of control with horrible scenarios. What if she went to a torture dimension? What if time passed really quickly there and she'd come back ready to join the geriatric community? What if she didn't come back? What if…

No, he had to stop himself from going down that road. There were too many horrible what ifs, including one that involved her death, and that one he really couldn't deal with.

Buffy was gone. And Spike went dangerously over the edge.

"Oh. Bloody. Hell."


End file.
